Changing who I am is not easy.  I’m a recovering addict and in order for me to survive and have a chance at a “normal” life I must choose change.

 I just finished reading a wonderful book called “Absolute Knowledge that Liberates Consciousness” by Roy Eugene Davis.  One statement that he made in the book really hit home: “The real problem is their (individuals that want to change part of their lives) is their inclination to want results without having to change their thinking, feeling, or behaviors.  What an insightful statement.

The reality is until I changed my beliefs, thinking, and behaviors, I was merely relying on willpower to arrest my addiction.  As you have probably surmised, I was destined for failure and failure came with a price.  It cost me everything I thought I ever wanted.  Finally, I ended up in an intensive nine-month long inpatient rehabilitation program.  There I learned be objective, accept I could be wrong (up until now a completely foreign concept to me), and empathy.  My beliefs changed at the core of my being.  There were times, and still are, when I was forced to look at myself and recognize that my thinking was off.

Once this transformation took place, my view of my addiction and how I related to it changed, and that allowed me to stop.  I no longer saw solutions to life issues in continuing the addiction.  Urges still present themselves at times, and may for the rest of my life, but they are infrequent and not strong.

Change is not easy and doesn’t take place in a vacuum.  We all need people in our lives to guide us, listen to our stories, share in our successes, and be our friends.   We need to be honest, open-mended, and show willingness to accept help.   I also believe we need spirituality along this journey of transformation.  For me, it’s a journey worth travelling.